Let's talk about me

I've never been in love before, which is a little ridiculous since I'm almost 25 years old. I've thought I was, but I don't think it counts if you're not even dating the person. When I tell my friends this, the ones who have been there, they always say "no, you don't, love is hell." And what do I say to this- bring. it. on. I want love and all the shit that comes with it. Give me tears, give me fights, give me...well, whatever else there is. Why does this all sound so exciting to me? I just don't think the highs are ever as good without the lows. How can you feel joy if you don't know pain? Nothing can be perfect... I want the passion that comes with those fights, I want to care so much it drives me crazy. I worry that I will go through my whole life never knowing this feeling. I know, I know...I'm young. But what if I'm still wanting for this when I'm 30? 40? 90??? Okay, probably not 90, I would have given up by then. Or I'll be dead. And who will put flowers at my grave?
Reagan...aka "the lonely"

I can't end it like that. You never find what you're looking for. So I'm not looking. Now it can sneak up on me. My back is turned. My eyes are closed. Maybe it will tap me on my left shoulder when it is actually on my right. I've fallen for that trick before.